Autism research – Do I want know what caused my sons autism?

We have had the autism diagnosis for the Square Peg for around three years now. It has only been recently that I have come to terms with the fact that my child has autism, yes, it has taken me this long to process it all.

One thing I used to do was to beat myself up about….WHY?!! Why me? What did I do that caused his autism? Please read my post about this here.

Anyway, like I said, I have come to terms with it now. Edward is just the most amazing little boy, he makes my heart burst. He is always smiling, he thinks that every mundane task is a game and gets excited about absolutely everything. Anytime you feel down, come and see Edward, he will make you smile and lift your spirit. Recently I’ve been thinking to myself that if he didn’t have autism he wouldn’t be Edward. So now I am glad that he is this incredible and unique little boy. People who are not involved in Edward’s life are seriously missing out because he’s a little firecracker!

A few months ago, I set up Google alerts to send me emails when there were articles in the news related to autism. One of the alerts that I set up was autism research…now when these articles have popped up they have weighed heavily on my mind.

There are some that have been along the lines of ‘Taking X (drug) during pregnancy could increase the risk of autism.’ Or ‘Exposure to air pollution during pregnancy increases the risk.’ And then of course the old ‘vaccines cause autism’ is still doing the rounds. These articles send me into panic mode.

During my pregnancy with Edward I had to take blood pressure medication that I didn’t have to with Matthew, was it that that caused his autism? I took Omeprazole for my constant heartburn, was it that? Did I go somewhere with high air pollution when I was pregnant? Or is autism genetic? Then why has only one of my children got it?

So, no, I don’t want to find out what caused Edward’s autism. It’s not going to help in slightest and I will just beat myself up about it again. I love the Buddhist story of The Poisoned Arrow , The Buddha says that by trying to find out what caused something just makes you waste time. It’s not going to help you in the present day. By knowing what causes autism is not going to make my life with Edward any easier so I need to stop worrying about it and focus on raising him.

I understand that autism research can be beneficial, but for now, I’ll turn that Google alert off…